


With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Angst, Beverly Marsh Knows Everything, Bill Denbrough Stutters, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M, Razors, Sad Stanley Uris, Soft Bill Denbrough, Stanley Uris Lives, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22387294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Right as he was about to finish everything and make sure he would never be afraid again, his phone rang on top of the bathroom sink. His eyes turned to the sound of the device, his hands stoping what he was about to do as a tear fell down his cheek. The only thing he could concentrate was the ringing of the phone and the strange urge to pick it up."
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Turning Page by Sleeping At Last.
> 
> First of all, I hope everyone knows the archive in my phone for this fic is called "Stanley is alive fuck you it movie stop killing the gays" in all caps cause this is important information. 
> 
> Second of all, Stanley deserved more than that and if he was there half of the shit that happened to the Losers wouldn't have happened because Stanley is the only one with a braincell in that whole group. With that being said, I just love him and Bill as a couple so I said "fuck it" and wrote that. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Although the suicide doesn't happen, this is at the moment Stan is ready to do it, so be careful while reading. It does end well but it doesn't start that way...
> 
> Enjoy some soft stanbrough times.

As Stanley looked up at the ceiling, his heart pounded in his chest. He was _so scared_ of what was going to happen next, and it made him let out a small chuckle from the irony of it. He was going to kill himself so he wouldn't be a push back to his friends, and yet he was afraid of killing himself. 

He remembered almost everything about his last encounter with _It_ when Mike called, his enhanced fear of _everything_ making his memory work against the magic or whatever the hell it was that took away his memories when he left Derry all those years ago. The thought of going back was _terrifying_ and in his head he knew he would only make everything worse by going back with the group again. They have always been stronger, but not Stanley. Never Stanley. So, with that in mind, he took the razor in his hand. He was shaking so much as he raised it, feeling his breathing stop as he looked at it. 

Right as he was about to finish everything and make sure he would _never_ be afraid again, his phone rang on top of the bathroom sink. His eyes turned to the sound of the device, his hands stoping what he was about to do as a tear fell down his cheek. The only thing he could concentrate was the ringing of the phone and the strange urge to pick it up. His lip quivered for a moment when he took a deep breath, knowing that it was his mind trying to make him give up his plan, which only would make him feel even more of a coward later. For a while, Stanley battled with the force telling him to pick up the phone, until the device stopped making noise, his breath sounding loud in his ears.

He blinked a few times, his eyelids seemed heavier than ever. Every feeling he was having at that moment made him feel he was living a nightmare — from the shaking of his hands to the heavy eyelids. His whole body was overwhelmed with everything that was happening, his mind battling against itself as the razor touched his skin. His eyes only opened properly again when the phone rang again, his movements stopping once more as the urge to pick up came back. His eyes stared at his wrist, seeing the razor so close to doing its job — just a little more strength and it would be over —, but the sound of the phone seemed _so loud_ on his ears. He looked over to the device again, his blue eyes darker than ever before as he pulled his hand back again, resting the razor on the side of the bathtub. 

He made a decision then and there that, if the phone rang again, he would pick it up. He ignored the voice in his brain calling him a coward, pulling his legs closer to his chest and just sitting there on the bathtub, the warm water failing on relaxing his body. The phone stopped ringing again and he waited, the silence sounding like the worst thing he had ever heard. He counted in his head: _1, 2, 3, 4…_ Each second that passed by made him feel his entire body tensing up even more. The phone wouldn't ring again. He was just pushing back the inevitable. 

Stanley closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he slowly accepted his fate. When his hand reached out to take the razor again, it immediately stopped over the object, his eyes opening wide as the sound of the phone seemed to echo through the whole bathroom. Maybe he was imagining it… Maybe his brain was trying to save him, trying to give him time to give up. With some difficulty, he reached for the device, seeing that it was, indeed, ringing. There was an unknown number on the screen, a call coming from L.A., that apparently was insisting on grabbing Stanley's attention. 

With a deep breath, Stan picked up the call, bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" his voice was shaky, his free arm still hugging his legs against his chest as he waited for the answer.

There was a pause there, no one answered for a moment, and Stanley started to lose hope again. Maybe it was the wrong number. When the voice from the other side came, however, Stanley couldn't help but to frown a little more.

"Ss-Stanley?" the stuttering coming from the phone made Stan gasp slightly, feeling light-headed. _It couldn't be…_ "Is th-that you?"

"...Bill."

There was silence again, both of then caught off guard: Stanley for the unexpected call and Bill for the fact that Stanley knew it was him. Stan could hear some surprised noises from the other side of the phone, making his chest hurt even more than it did before. He didn't even notice how much he missed Bill until that exact moment. 

"Yeah, it's me." Bill confirmed. Stan could hear a small chuckle coming from him. "I guh-got your number with Muh-m-Mike… He called you, right?"

"He did." he swallowed thickly, his body shivering with the memory. "Asked me to go back to Derry."

"I th-think the whole group is going…"

"Why did you call?"

Stanley didn't mean to sound as rude as he did, but the air around him was heavy, as if he was breathing in water into his lungs, making it hard for him to breathe altogether. There was this dread in the air as he still could see the razor beside him and feel the ghost of it on his wrist, ready to end everything. But there was confusion as well, as the only person who he didn't expect would be calling him at that moment was the one who stopped him from dying. Why did he call? Why did he _insist_?

"I'm suh-sorry… Am I buh-being inconvenient? I didn't mmm-mean to-"

"No!" Stanley almost screamed as he heard the nervousness on Bill's voice making his stutter worse. He only realized he was still crying when a smile appeared on his lips as he heard Bill's speech breaking so much. It was a comforting sound for some reason. "I'm just… curious."

"Uhm… I just… I-I felt like I nuh-needed to call…" Bill explained quickly, his words still coming out with some difficulty. Stanley listened to every syllable. "Suh-s-something told me to."

Stanley couldn't hold back the involuntary painful sound that left his mouth as his eyes filled completely with tears, making the world around him completely blurry. The sound that left his mouth was filled with all the fear he was feeling, with all the pain that was inside his chest that started to hurt when Mike called that same night. It was filled with _relief_. He tried to stop more sounds from coming as he started to sob, covering his mouth with his hand and resting his forehead on his knees, keeping the phone next to his ear the whole time.

"Stan?" Bill called from the phone, his voice sounding worried as he heard the crying coming from Stanley. "Hey, a-are you okay?"

He chuckled through the tears, shaking his head in disbelief before looking at the razor beside him, pushing it to the ground with one swift movement. He started rocking his body back and forth calmly in the water, taking a deep breath before talking again, his eyes staring at the ceiling.

"I'm okay…"

"Are yuh-you sure?" he could hear Bill's worry from the other side of the phone, making him smile through the tears again. "You sound ss-strange…"

"Don't worry about it. I promise you I'm fine." 

He knew very well that Bill didn't believe him by the silence that started after his words. He waited anyway, his whole being hoping for another word from Bill. Stanley was holding back so badly the urge to tell Bill just to _keep talking_. It could be about anything, he just wanted to hear his old friend talk, hear his voice soothing the pain that was haunting him ever since Mike's call. If he was completely honest, he wished he could be with Bill on that moment, holding him and grounding himself again through the other's presence, but his voice would have to do. The memory of a hug when they were kids would have to do. 

"I missed you." and he did. Stanley _really_ did. He now couldn't even explain how much he missed Bill Denbrough through all these years, the feeling that was being numbed by the powers of _It_ coming back like a flood.

"I muh-missed you too…" Stanley heard from the phone, making him take a deep breath again, feeling more and more light with each breath, with each word said by Bill. "You're guh-going to duh-d-Derry too, right?"

"I… I don't know." Stanley voiced his doubt. Until a few minutes ago, he weren't going, and the news of why would reach the group of friends at some point. He sobbed quietly again, pressing his legs a little closer. "I don't know if I should go."

"Of cuh-course you should! I want th-to see you again…" Bill didn't know, but those words took more of the weight on Stan's chest. He felt numb, sat there in the water, his thoughts less wild than before. The turmoil inside of his head getting calmer with each passing second. "I'm sure ee-everyone else does." 

"You think so?"

"I'm shh-sure of it." 

"Then maybe I'll go…"

"I ruh-really hope you do." Stanley smiled tiredly as he could picture the smile on Bill's face as he said those words, his chest fluttering with the image in his head. "Are yuh-you sure I'm not being inconvenient ruh-right now?" 

"No, you're not." he chuckled lightly, feeling calmer now, feeling like he could think straight again. "You… You actually helped me a lot with this call if I'm being honest."

"Really?"

"Mhm."

"Hh-how so?" Stanley stayed quiet for a moment, looking at the water for a few moments before talking again. Bill patiently waited.

"I wasn't exactly having a good night…"

"Buh-because of Mike's call?"

"What?"

"Well, I… When he cuh-called I got… I got scared." Bill confessed. His voice seemed weaker now, as if he was telling a secret only Stanley could hear. "As if th-t-there's something I'm nuh-not remembering about Derry. Is that wh-what you mean?"

"Yeah…" Stanley answered in the same tone, hiding back the specific details of why he was so scared. Bill didn't need to know right now. Stanley was safe now, there wasn't a reason for Bill to know. "And I never been the bravest so…"

Stanley finished his sentence with a chuckle, but Bill didn't answer right away, making Stanley slightly nervous.

"You've always buh-been brave to me."

Stanley's breath caught on his throat, his eyes watering again as Bill's words echoed through his mind for a while. Bill Denbrough, the boy who almost went by himself into the Neibolt House — although Stanley could argue it had to do with Bill's stupid stubborn nature on wanting to take all the pain by himself to protect others —, who almost sacrificed himself to that _fucking_ clown so the Losers would be safe, who had always been the brave one on the group, was calling him _brave_. Part of him wanted to believe Bill, making Stanley feel the rest of the weight on his chest, the small quantity left there, leave completely.

"Thank you…"

"Don't th-thank me, it's th-the truth." Stanley could hear again the smile in his voice. It was a beautiful sound. "I'll suh-see you tomorrow, right?"

Stan thought for a minute, the water around him now running cold from the time he spent just sitting there. He sighed softly, knowing he would have to prove to himself that what Bill called truth was real, that he was brave and help everyone if he did go back to Derry the next day. He would have to face his fears again, and there would be _many_ for him to face. But in the end, he wouldn't be alone. His old friends would be there like they were all those years ago, _Bill_ would be there. And if he was being honest, now that the blur in his mind left and he was thinking more clearly, he wanted to be there for them. 

"Right." Stanley smiled, trying to calm down his fears. "You will."

"Can't wh-wait to see you again…"

"Me neither."

* * *

When Stanley finally reached Derry, his clock showed he was very late. That upset him a bit, transit had made him run late, making him almost turn back and give up on going. Maybe it was a sign for him not to go. But he did go anyway, entering the restaurant with his breathing growing faster with each second. His eyes ran through the small restaurant, stopping at a closed table, walking in to see all his friends there, chatting happily with each other. 

All the voices stopped when they saw the man that was stood at the entrance, all the eyes looking at Stanley with surprise. Bev's eyes seemed to be the ones that were more shocked in seeing him there, making a shiver ran down his spine. Something told him she _knew_ about last night, about Stanley's plan, even if it was impossible for her to know something like that. He was sure she knew.

His eyes stopped on a pair of blue eyes that looked at him intensely. The man got up, a smile painting his lips, the one smile he spent the entire trip imagining to calm his fears, to assure him everything would be alright. He walked towards Stanley slowly at first before quickening his pace, hugging Stanley once he got close enough. Stanley couldn't stop himself from chuckling as he saw that Bill was smaller than him now, hugging him back and closing his eyes, finally feeling his fears going away, finally grounding himself in the arms of the man that held him close.

"I thought you wouldn't come…" Bill whispered, still not letting him go. That moment was the moment he knew he should be there with everyone, _with Bill_.

"I thought so too…"

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kuddos if yoy liked it! Also check out my other It fics if y'all want to ♥️
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
